A Box of Chocolates
by Nimrod The Writer
Summary: A family is something that sits close to the heart. It doesn't matter who it's made up of or how you get it, as long as it gives you that hair-pulling, adoration procuring, love inspiring warmth. Pompous Pep
1. Prologue

THIS. IS GOING. TO HAPPEN.

Seriously, it's been sitting in my files for _months_. I've been fighting with myself about whether or not to post it, seeing as I've got plenty of other stories to work on, but eh, I figured why the hell not? I kinda need some happy PompousPep though, so this is gonna be more comedy focused if I can manage it. Just something lighthearted and fun. :)

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><p>It all began on a quiet, Sunday afternoon. Although maybe it would make more sense to go back further than that. Maybe it began the day I accepted my own feelings and masturbated to a picture of Vlad in the bathroom, or perhaps it was when I snapped and jumped his bones only to discover that I wasn't the only one harboring a secret affection. I guess it doesn't really matter. Technically one could go all the way back and say it <em>really <em>started when Vlad's parents got divorced and left their son with the irrepressible urge to one day have his own, unbroken family, but I'm rambling again. Either way we were both enjoying a quiet lunch in the solitude of our kitchen when Vlad posed arguably one of the biggest questions of our relationship.

"Daniel, what do you think about children?"

After spewing half my lunch across the table, I kindly asked him to repeat the question. Unfortunately for me, I'd heard him correctly. He wanted kids. Children. Crumb-snatchers, to be accurate. I guess I should have seen this coming. He's always been a family kind of guy; crazy and psychotic, but still a family person nonetheless. Though in all honesty, the prospect of children wasn't such a bad idea. I was going on twenty-five, had a bachelor's degree, a job, a stable relationship. I was perfectly ready for the next chapter in my life.

But like everything else with Vlad, he had to go the complete and total nutty way about doing things.

"No."

"Daniel, I'm telling you, the science is completely valid. There's nothing-"

"I don't care how valid it is, there's no way in hell it's gonna happen."

"You agreed you want a family too, and this way it can truly be _our _family, no adoptions or outside donors necessary."

"All I'd have to do is stay in my ghost form for nine months and get pregnant."

"Exactly!"

"I can't believe we're even talking about this."

"Oh come now, it's not so bad-"

"Then why the hell don't you do it?"

"Ha ha! That's funny little badger. Seriously though-"

"Vlad." I stopped in the middle of the hallway, sharply turning around and putting my hands on my hips as I glared up at him. "I love you, but it's not gonna happen. I get enough crap from my friends about being the female in this relationship. I _don't_ need to walk around with a baby in my nonexistent uterus."

"But that's just it, my boy, you don't need a uterus. Your ghost form will support the child and only minor human attributes will play a part."

"Minor human attributes? If I grow breasts so help me-"

"You're not going to grow breasts Daniel." He rolled his eyes, "Normal ghosts don't have to feed their children while carrying, but in our case it would be part human as well. Your ghost half will form a type of umbilical cord so the child can eat, since it's human half needs the nutrients, but nothing more."

I stared at him through narrowed eyes.

"Would my testicles shrink and mutate into ovaries?"

"No Daniel. Your testicles will be fine."

"How the hell would you get the damn thing out?"

"C-section."

"...Hm, well that makes-Wait, No! No, I am not considering this!"

Jeez, I _hate _it when he does that! I turned around and stomped away. I don't care how much he begs or uses big words, I was _not _about to become the first pregnant male.

"It's just nine months Daniel-"

"Oh yeah! Just nine months! I do have a job, you know, and a nosy family. Can you imagine if they barged in one day and I looked like a balloon?"

I'm sure the servants of our manor were cracking up by now, as well. Being the only people in the house, our voices have a tendency to carry. Particularly mine when I'm yelling at my psychotic partner. Even better, seeing as all the servants happen to be ghosts, I'm sure the entire Zone will be laughing by at least tomorrow thanks to Vlad's nutty idea. As if Skulker wasn't irritating enough already.

"We can tell them you're on a work related trip or something. I do it all the time, it's not that big of a deal."

"Vlad, I work at an observatory. We don't have work related trips."

"Well we'll come up with something, it's not a pressing problem."

"I beg to differ." I mumbled, imagining the look on my Dad's face if I told him I was pregnant.

"Daniel," he sighed exasperatedly, still following me through the halls. Honestly, I wasn't actually going anywhere. I just liked having him follow me around like a lost puppy. It helped my slowly dwindling masculinity. "I implore you, at least give it some thought."

He reached out and gently grabbed my arm, finally stopping me. With his guiding hand, I turned my pouting face towards him and grudgingly listened. I didn't like the look he was giving me. It was the one that I usually ended up caving to after a pointless amount of arguing.

"Think about it, Danny. It would be _our _child."

I had to say, that was probably the most and _only_ appealing part about it. When he'd first mentioned kids, I thought he meant adopting or finding a surrogate mother. But then the kid wouldn't _really _be ours, which left a slightly bitter taste in our aspirations. So of course, Vlad spent nearly three weeks scouring the ghost zone for ways to get the impossible, running a multitude of tests and reading countless books. And what's his brilliant solution?

"Why can't you, like, stick it in a tube or something?" I scrunched up my face. "Babies grow in tanks, don't they?"

"No Daniel, that would be fish. Babies require a type of incubation process, one that I can't replicate no matter how hard I try. Believe me, I did. Mainly because I knew you would not receive the idea of-"

"Pregnancy."

"-of _incubation_ so well. Really, my boy, that's all you're doing in the end. The embryo just needs the natural ectoplasm circulating in your ghost half to grow correctly."

"Vlad, don't play semantics with me. I've know you long enough to catch your little argument ploys."

He narrowed his eyes and tried to come back with a retort but had none, instead letting a grudgingly impressed smirk steal across his lips. I waited, feeling a little proud of myself, though I'd never tell him that. I swear, the whole conversation we were having was just crazy to begin with...

"Wouldn't it be more ghost than human if it formed and grew in my ghost half?" I questioned, not wanting our child to be more dead than alive if by some miniscule chance I did go though with it. Which I wasn't.

"No," he replied, "Even though you feel more ghost when you're in your ghost form, you're still half human. The same applies to the baby. It will be formed with human and ghost sperm; the incubation process only serves the purpose of growing it, not determining it's humanity."

"Sperm plus sperm doesn't equal baby, Vlad. That's basic science."

He smirked triumphantly at me though, that scientific gleam in his eyes.

"Yes, I thought so too, until the ghost zone proved me wrong. The reproductive process of ghosts is genderless. It has the unique ability to mold into whatever form is needed, sperm or egg, to create offspring. Its flexibility is a side effect of being made up of mostly ectoplasm, which has no definite form or shape to begin with. So, human sperm plus the reproductive process of a ghost does equal a baby, no matter what the gender of the ghost is."

"...so, wait...I will grow ovaries?" This was getting complicated.

"No." he smiled patiently, "The reproductive ectoplasm inside of you will act similar to an egg only for the time of forming an embryo. After that, the child will incubate within the ectoplasm of your ghost half, not a uterus."

"What happens if I turn human while I'm...er...incubating?"

"That's the only bad part." Vlad winced (as though being a pregnant male wasn't bad), "Quite simply, you'd die. It would be like suddenly shoving a half formed baby in the middle of your organs."

"What!" I shouted, now convinced he was totally off his rocker. "I can't stay in my ghost form for nine months! Are you trying to kill me?"

"Of course not. That's why I made this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a vial full of brightly glowing something. It was white-ish green and looked thick.

"...you've had that in your pocket this entire time?"

"It's highly concentrated ectoplasm combined with natural ghost nutrients." He said, ignoring my comment.

"And how will this help me stay in my ghost form?"

"The only reason you ever fall out of your ghost form," Vlad began as he returned the vial to his pocket, "is because you become too weak to hold it. You can even sleep in your ghost form, providing you are uninjured and healthy. Being in a prolonged state as Danny Phantom will eventually wear you down, causing you to revert automatically. However, by taking weekly injections of highly concentrated ectoplasm, you can easily stay in ghost form for nine months without a problem."

"Oh great, so now you wanna give me ghost steroids."

"I assure you, Daniel, there is nothing dangerous or risky about it." Vlad said exasperatedly, "Just think of it as recharging your ghost half."

I gave him a long, slow look. I still couldn't get the horrible image of me loosing control of my ghost half and suddenly ripping apart with a screaming, half-formed baby exploding from my abdomen. Even with the weekly injections, wasn't there still a risk that I could die? And more importantly, that the baby could die? I don't know what I'd do if-Wait, why am I even worrying about this?

"No, Vlad." I huffed and walked away again, starting to get rather irritated with myself. Vlad followed.

"Daniel, stop being difficult! This is just you're stubbornness holding out!" he pouted.

"And it's gonna keep holding out cause the answer is N-O."

I heard his over-dramatic sigh from behind me and couldn't help but smirk. He's such a drama queen.

"Daniel-"

"No."

"If you just-"

"Not gonna happen."

"But what if-"

"Nope."

He expressed something that sounded like a yell of frustration, but I wasn't exactly sure. In the six years we've been together, he's never let himself make such an "undignified" sound. Although there was that time I forced him to go to my parents house a few years ago...

Suddenly I felt a strong grip on my upper arm and was yanked back, twisting around and falling right up against Vlad's chest. He held me there with a determined stare, both hands on my upper arms keeping me pinned. Man, he really wanted this baby.

"Why Vlad, this is so sudden." I said dryly. He ignored me.

"Do you really want to raise someone else's child? Or live knowing our baby isn't really _our _baby? Because if you do, I swear I'll never say another word about this."

Oh crap, he was using the logic thing.

"Um..." I bit my lip, looking away from his intense gaze. Of course I wanted a child with both of our genetics. Call me cheesy, but I really _wanted _that poster perfect family with the kids who looked just like the parents. There was something about it that made the whole thought...complete, or something. I dunno. ...I just didn't wanna be pregnant.

"I know you want a family, Danny." he said quietly, in that horribly gentle voice that I _always _cave to. This was not turning out well. "And I know you want it to be _our _family. There's a way to get that, and we both know that if we don't take it, we'll regret it for the rest of our lives."

Oh this was not turning out well at all.

"But...I'm gonna...I'll look ridiculous..." I squirmed, already blushing a little.

Vlad smiled, kissing me softly on the lips and spinning me away to heaven.

"You could never look ridiculous."

I gave him a deadpanned stare at that one, which he couldn't help but laugh at.

"Okay, amusing, yes. But not ridiculous. At least not usually."

"Thanks Vlad." I rolled my eyes. He was still smiling though, which meant he knew he had me. Unfortunately, I knew it too. Oooh, but I wasn't going down without a fight on this one. I still had my ace in the hole...

"One condition." I said almost smugly, feeling a dark smile unfurl. Vlad stared at me cautiously.

"...What?"

"You let me top."

Instantly, his smile dropped, eye twitching. I grinned rather hugely, finally beginning to feel like I had some control in the conversation. In all the years we've been together, he's never let me top and I've never had something big enough to hold over his head, until now of course. I may loose whats left of my masculinity by getting pregnant, but if in the process I get to top Vlad Masters it might actually be worth it. Cause in the end that means I wouldn't loose it at all.

"No." he said stubbornly, eyes narrowed. I just kept grinning.

"Vlad," I used my most arrogant and condescending voice possible, "We both know you're going to say yes in the end, so why fight?"

His eye twitched again.

"Daniel, I-"

"I can call the adoption agency if you want me to."

His jaw snapped shut, still glaring at me. I patiently waited because I was loving every minute of this.

"You couldn't do it."

"Wanna bet?" I challenged, _so _ready to prove him wrong.

He just narrowed his eyes more.

"So...you'll carry our child for nine months...as long as..."

"As long as you let me top."

"Once?"

"As many times as I like."

"What-!"

"Oh come now, Vladdie. You can't think I wouldn't take advantage of something like this after six years of being with you, hm?"

He just glared at me. As much as I loved winning against him, I figured I might want to get this done and settled before he figured out some way to take advantage of me taking advantage of him...assuming that's even possible. Apparently though, with Vlad anything is possible (even male pregnancy), so just to be safe...

"I suppose if you don't want to make the deal I could convince Sam to be the surrogate-"

"Fine, you can top."

"Excellent!" I beamed, the rush of victory making this situation ten times better. "Lets get to it then!"

"What-now? !"

"Uh, hell yes now. You think I'm gonna wait until _after _this whole baby thing is over? I don't think so, Vlad."

And so, dragging my slightly unwilling partner with me, I marched up the stairs with a triumphant grin. Cause I may end up being the first pregnant male, but I'm also gonna be the first male to top Vlad Masters, which makes it totally worth it.

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><p>The lemon will be written, but it will not be posted with this story. I wanna try to keep this under T, at most.<p>

dskgjaosifshsnort. M-preg. :D


	2. Chapter 1

If you read the lemon, a few bits of dialogue in the beginning might be a smidgen similar. That's because it's more or less the same. XD It's for those who didn't wanna read the lemon.

Onward to light hearted pompous pep! Btw, I'll update Unexpected Abuse after I remake my VladDanny couple on Sims 3. Some things in life simply must be done before fanfictions.

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><p>Morning arrived with the same blue skies and singing birds. The sounds and smells of the outside world wafted into the elegant room and enticed my senses to awake. It was warm, so ridiculously warm. I could feel Vlad's arms wrapped around me, the plush covers of the bed encasing the rest of my nude body with the same cozy heat. It took a while to wake up, being so comfortable and in <em>such <em>a good place. Waking up from a long night of sex without my backside aching had me feeling pretty triumphant, even with the impending impregnation looming over my head.

Eyes still closed against the sun, I smiled and snuggled closer to Vlad. He mumbled something in his sleep, shifting and tightening his hold possessively. Fruitloop. Vlad's always been a little paranoid, and more than a bit of a control freak. It doesn't really bother me too much though. Being wanted is nice.

A grandfather clock chimed from somewhere beyond our room of warmth and contentment, signaling the arrival of the work day. Joy. Vlad was starting to wake up thanks to his internal clock, yawning and stretching his sleep away. I propped myself up on his chest when he stretched his arms up and rubbed his hands against his face, feeling a long overdue bout of gloating creeping up as he regained consciousness.

"So. How're you feeling, Vlad?" I asked, sticking as much cheek in my question as I could.

He peeked at me from between his fingers, though it looked more like a glare. I smiled at him with my most insufferable grin and leaned over, planting a kiss on his scowling lips. Vlad mumbled something incoherent and suddenly wrapped his arms around me, rolling over and caging me against his chest like I was a stuffed animal.

"That good, huh?" I laughed, looking up at the content smile that had replaced his pout.

"Mmm..." he replied, eyes still closed. "...Not bad for your first time, Daniel."

Tch. Judgmental bastard.

"Whatever, Vlad. I know you loved it. I'm pretty sure our neighbors who live four acres away know it too. I've never heard you moan that loud before." I grinned.

"Well I can't help it if I have an incredibly through lover." he relented, lips twitching into a smile as he kissed a trail down my face.

"So I _was _fantastically awesome."

"Hm," He finally opened his eyes and looked down at me with glimmering, midnight orbs, "Yes I should think so."

For some reason I got the feeling he was patronizing me slightly, but then Vlad pressed his lips down on mine and I forgot about that, immediately giving him entry and smiling into the kiss. He eased a hand down my bare skin, coming to a slow stop on my stomach. Vlad broke the kiss and looked down at me with a soft smile, brushing his fingers over my pale skin.

"...What?" I asked after a long moment of silence. He was staring at me.

"Nothing." He replied coyly, pushing himself up.

I let it go with rolling eyes, yawning and sitting up at well. Vlad stretched, muscles shifting under his skin. I snickered when I noticed a couple dark, red spots on his neck, but didn't say anything. If I was lucky he wouldn't notice them and end up going to work without hiding them.

Our shower took longer than expected, though it wasn't like that was a surprise. Vlad was in an especially cheery mood as well, constantly kissing me and rubbing his hands over my flat stomach. I teased him about his excitement, but he took it with the same, suave smoothness he always exudes.

"You can poke fun at me now Daniel, but rest assured I will have _plenty _of opportunities to get you back in the future."

"Shut up, Vlad."

We got ready for our respective jobs with easy contentment, though Vlad was taking it a step farther and humming occasionally. I stole glances at him as I pulled on my shirt, shaking my head hopelessly at his anticipation. You'd think he'd turning into the song bird of happiness over night and I wasn't even 'impregnated' yet. ...man, that was gonna take some getting used to.

"So...how is this gonna work?" I asked slowly, the thought suddenly hitting me.

Vlad knew exactly what I was talking about, having been thinking about it all morning. He finished off his tie with a flourish and pulled it snug, turning around to reply.

"After dinner we'll go down to the lab and I'll run you through all the details of the procedure, but basically it'll be as simple as a single injection."

"We still need to come up with an excuse for my family and job, you know," raising an eyebrow and bringing his excitement down a bit, "People are going to wonder where I've gone when I disappear for several months."

"Don't worry, Daniel. I've got a rough plan already formulated to explain away your absence and the appearance of a third household member."

I swear he was glowing when he said those last few words. It took a lot of strength not to call him a dork.

"Alright. I'll think of some excuses too while at the observatory. What time do you get off tonight?"

"Depends. What time do _you _get off tonight?"

"Five."

"Then I get off at four. I need to make sure things are ready in the lab."

"Jee, I wish I could pick my own work schedule."

"Own a fortune 500 company Daniel. Then the freedom is all yours."

"Correction. _Steal _a fortune 500 company."

"Technicalities." He scoffed.

"Vlad, I think we're gonna have to have a long talk about parenting."

Breakfast went fast, having taken too long getting ready. By the time we finished our usual bickering and spontaneous molesting, the clock was nearing nine o'clock. Vlad grabbed his briefcase and a cup of coffee from the kitchen counter while I grabbed my star-charts and a bagel, both of us soon heading for the front door.

"I call the Ferrari." I smirked, phasing through him and snatching the keys from the wall.

Vlad rolled his eyes, opening the door and shooing me out.

"I call the personal driver." he said antagonistically, but I was okay with that because no matter how long I live with Vlad, I'll never be comfortable with a personal driver. Seriously, I can open my own door just fine.

"It's all yours." I shrugged carelessly, heading toward the shiny red beauty parked next to our large house. But Vlad reached out and grabbed my arm before I could go, pulling me back for a moment.

"You didn't think you were going to leave without saying goodbye, did you?" he smirked, not waiting for a response and dragging me in for a kiss. I smiled, momentarily forgetting about the Ferrari in light of something much better.

"I'll see you this evening, Daniel." Vlad smiled softy, touching his lips against mine one last time before heading to the awaiting car.

I smiled and watched him leave, enjoying the warmth he always left in my chest. Small moments like these had the odd habit of cropping up the ever-present amazement I still harbored over our relationship. To think I'd fall in love with _him_, and even more amazing that he'd actually _return _those feelings. ...And now we're looking to start a real family. Shaking my head of the random thoughts, I went my separate way as well, relaxing into the cushions of the car and hearing the engine roar the moment I turned the key. I guess, all things considered, I really couldn't wait until this evening either.

Unfortunately, my anticipation didn't stop work from being a difficult day. Not in the sense that the actual work was hard, but because I couldn't focus on anything except my currently baby-less stomach. It didn't take long to hit me that this would be my last day as a human for a while, which brought up a whole slew of problems that plagued me for hours on end. If I was gonna be stuck as a ghost for the next nine months, how was I going to go to work during the small window I had that I didn't look pregnant? I couldn't just quit my job for nine months without any notice! Though I guess Vlad has enough connections that keeping my job wouldn't be a problem. Still though, it's not good work ethic! Maybe it would be best to hold off on having this baby. After all we'd only really decided on it a couple days ago and we shouldn't rush into it. Granted...I _have _been wanting a kid for a while and Vlad's been researching this for god knows how long... But come on, we don't even have an excuse for my parents yet!

My thoughts went like that for the entire day, and thus, I kept changing my mind about wanting time to go faster or slower. My indecision ended up making time so confusing that I was partially convinced Clockwork was messing with me. I wrote out calculations, finished up star charts, filed paperwork, called some school's wanting to arrange a field trip, and all the while kept staring at the clock without a clue as to what I was actually accomplishing.

Coworkers made jokes about my inability to sit still, but didn't even entertain the thought of telling them why I was so antsy. Like the rest of the world, they're unaware of my half ghost status and I intend to keep it that way. However, also like the rest of the world, they're not unaware of my current relationship status. This does occasionally create a few dilemmas, but it's nothing I can't deal with. Besides, the observatory I work for really can't complain. Vlad pays for over half their funding.

Finally, good lord _finally_, five o'clock rolled around. The butterflies that had started in my stomach about four hours ago were making me sick, and at this point I just wanted to go home and get the baby implanting part over so I could stop changing my mind about it. God, I almost felt sorry for Vlad about the impending mood swings. Almost.

I sped on the way home, but noticed as I got closer and closer to our private manor that my speedometer started dropping. Damn nerves. Gritting my teeth and pressing on the gas pedal, I rounded a long turn and came upon a paved driveway. The house opened up in the spacious area before me, tall mountains in the background and vibrant trees all around. I'd convinced Vlad to move out of that ridiculous castle on account of the size, but in light of coming events, the mansion we'd settled on didn't seem like such a swell alternative anymore. I'm pretty sure loosing your kid in your own house is a sign of a bad parent.

I pulled into the driveway hastily, fumbling with the keys and feeling ridiculously nervous. At work, I'd come to the conclusion that even if the butterflies got the better of me and I _did_ want to back out of this, I couldn't because I'd already gotten my end of the deal. Usually though, this thought cheered me up significantly, and the butterflies mostly went away. I fumbled with the keys again when trying to get through the door, feeling like a moron. Luckily, I didn't have to fumble for too long because Vlad opened it for me.

"Welcome home Daniel!" He positively beamed. I was surprised he wasn't already in lab gear.

"Uh huh." I grunted, pushing my way in and dropping my bags on the door-side table. I needed a drink. "So, should we get this over with?"

Vlad wasn't phased by my abrasiveness, still smiling.

"Careful Daniel, try to contain your enthusiasm."

"Shut up, fruitloop."

He didn't react to the nickname, smile on full glow as he grabbed my arm and practically dragged me to the lab. The closer we got the more this was suddenly looking like a terrible idea.

"Vlad, listen, I was thinking about all of this today at work and I really, really think-"

"Sorry Daniel, you already got your end of the deal, so now it's time for me to get mine." He practically sang, clearly having expected me to protest.

"No, I'm not talking about backing out completely!" I snapped, "I'm just saying that maybe we should, you know, wait a little bit, plan this out more or...or something."

"Not to worry little badger, I've got everything taken care of."

"Oh yeah? Well what about me being in ghost mode for the next nine months? People at work are going to be _slightly_ suspicious when Danny Phantom takes my place tomorrow!"

"I've already contacted your boss and taken care of that. You're basically on vacation for the next year."

"I-what?"

"As for your parents and the rest of the world, tomorrow I will announce that you and I are looking to adopt and will be traveling abroad for the next year to find the right child."

"But..."

I didn't even know what to say. Vlad wasn't kidding when he said he'd taken care of everything. He glanced back at me and smirked at my speechless gape, typing in the password for the lab door and dragging me down to one of the best things in my life (even if I was having trouble seeing that, at the moment).

"Of course, you're parents can be informed of the truth after the child is born, if you choose to tell them. The adoption trip is mostly a way to cover the presence of a third household member and our absence in one fell swoop."

"Uh..."

"You're going to have to speak intelligible words as some point, Daniel."

I shook my head at his comment, slightly desperate to find a reason to hold off on all of this because the looming thought of parental responsibility was beginning to make me queasy. But then, another part of me was about to burst with excitement at how perfectly everything was falling into place, and at the cliché idea of having our own miniature us running around with toys and a blanket. The end result was a horrible stomach ache that only intensified when I spotted the counter and chair all primed and ready for the injection. So, naturally, I deflected my panic-ridden anxiety by commenting on something stupid.

"That looks like something out of a horror movie." I forced out, gesturing lamely to the chair and counter with eyes wide thanks to the billions of thoughts swarming my head.

Vlad slowed down, giving me a small, empathetic smile as he turned around and pulled me closer. I didn't realize I was shaking until his hand softly caressed my face and enveloped my trembling fingers. He was staring at me with the adoration that took so long to get used to when we first started seeing each other, remaining silent as I calmed down.

He really has become my rock in life. Erasing all the indecision and confusion and anxiety was as easy as taking a deep breath when he stood so close to me. Vlad wrapped his arms around my shoulders when I laid my head against his chest, rubbing soft circles along my spine and making everything okay. I was nervous, but that's alright. I should be. After all, Vlad and I are looking to have a baby. A screaming, drooling, laughing, beautiful baby.

All things considered, I guess there really wasn't a need to panic.

"I'm surprised you don't have a camera set up." I mumbled, lips twitching into a small smirk as I looked up at him.

"I figured you'd be slightly opposed to the idea."

"Hm. Maybe you are a genius after all."

Vlad smiled, kissing me gently but with all the passion in the world. When we broke away a long while later, things in the lab looked less scary and I wasn't all that nervous anymore.

"Lets get this over with quick before I change my mind again."

Vlad's smile grew. He took me by the hand and gestured toward the incredibly inviting metal chair I was supposed to sit in. Butterflies started rearing their ugly heads when the cool metal chilled my skin, but after another deep breath and a small smile from Vlad, they went away.

"The procedure is actually very simple." He began, using a confident voice that relaxed me. I watched him put on gloves and fiddle with a needle. A very long needle.

"Does it involve sticking that needle in my stomach?" I asked, swallowing thickly.

"It won't hurt, Daniel, I promise." he said, taking a moment to give me another supporting smile. I figured I'd need about ten more of those before this whole thing was done.

"In fact, he continued, opening a hidden fridge in the counter and pulling out a chilled vial full of something suspiciously pale. "That's basically all I have to do."

"Isn't there a more fun way of getting your semen in me? Like sex? This really takes the fun out of conceiving a child." My eye twitched as he filled the shot. That was a really really long needle.

"Well," He smirked, "We can have sex afterwards if that makes you feel better. And I'm topping." He added that last part rather firmly, catching the grin that momentarily lit up my face.

"I _suppose_ I can _let_ you top this time." I grinned, enjoying the twitch in his eye, "Either way, it'll probably be a lot more fun than masturbating into a vial."

"Indeed." he replied, pointedly ignoring my snickering by practically sticking his nose in the air. "Unfortunately for us, injection is the only way to guarantee the formation of an embryo."

"What do you mean?"

"Simply having sex with you in your ghost form will not guarantee a child. It's possible, but the odds of that happening are astronomical. It's difficult enough for two full ghosts to produce an offspring. An injection like this is the only sure way that we'll get the child we're looking for."

"So...so when you stick that needle in me, a baby will immediately start growing?"

"As a matter of fact, yes." Vlad smiled, a tender look coming back into his eyes. I looked down at my stomach, feeling a little amazed.

For a moment we were both a little stuck by the thought. An actually baby, _our _baby, would be right there below my skin... Things got pretty surreal after that. Vlad motioned for me to transform into my ghost half, which after taking a moment to savor the feeling a beating, human heart, I did. The thought of being stuck in my ghost half for nine months didn't really bother me though. I was still hung up over the surreality of the moment. Vlad pressed a button on the chair and it slowly reclined back into a table, taking me with it. I was incredibly aware of everything going on around me, and it wasn't because of my hypersensitive ghost powers.

Vlad slowly unzipped the front of my suit, helping me get my arms out of it and then finally folding it past my hips. My abdomen was there and waiting, flat and more than a little muscled. He ran his finger tips over the glowing skin, a hungry look mixing in his eyes with the awe already present. I just laid back and shoved my hands against my eyes. The butterflies were starting to make me sick again and I didn't want to see the needle descend.

"Are you ready, Daniel?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." I muttered, but then I felt one of his hands gently settle on my wrist. Without a struggle, he moved my palms away from my eyes, his face strikingly closer to mine than I expected.

"Relax." He smiled, placing his forehead against mine, his silvery hair draping around his face thanks to the loose ponytail. "It'll be over before you know it."

I nodded silently, meeting his lips when they touched down on mine. The butterflies started getting worse when I felt his other hand ghost over my stomach again. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to get lost in the kiss so I wouldn't think about it. But I was accustomed to pain, that part wasn't what had my stomach in knots. I guess it wasn't so much the pain that had my nonexistent heart pounding against my chest as much as what that needle in my stomach really meant. Mom always told me raising kids wasn't for the faint of heart...

I winced a little when an unexpected prick of pain came from beyond the kiss. After that I didn't feel a thing except for Vlad's gentle touch, his lips moving as fluidly as water against mine. I tried to relax and not think of anything but the man above me, succeeding for the most part until I was entirely consumed by him. When both of Vlad's hands joined to caress my face I nearly fainted from excitement, relief, and something else that I couldn't name but was bursting out of my chest. Two hands meant Vlad wasn't using that needle anymore, which could only mean one thing. Vlad finally broke the kiss, looking down at me with pure elation glowing from every inch of his expression.

"Congratulations, Daniel. You're pregnant."


	3. Chapter 2

Sooooo I just realized, I have _no _idea what the sex of this munchkin is gonna be. Nor do I know what to name him/her. I beg that you give me some suggestions, because as you will see from this chapter, I'm not a winner when it comes to baby namin.

But I REFUSE to go anywhere NEAR Danny jr. or Vlad jr.. Barf. The only man who can pull off a junior name is our lord and savior, Robert Downy Jr.

Now excuse me, I need to continue reading TavalyaRa's The Crack.

* * *

><p>Life didn't really change much once I was officially pregnant. Well, at least not at first. Vlad was still all smiles, constantly rubbing his hands over my flat stomach in the shower, in the bed, in the kitchen, in front of the fire, you name it. I thought it'd get annoying, but it was actually kinda sweet. It's especially nice to have Vlad home all the time too, and all to myself. For those first couple weeks, I didn't have work to worry about, badgering friends and family to balance, and Vlad was basically doing <em>everything <em>I asked. That part was particularly awesome.

In fact, the first month or so was utterly perfect. It was like one of those fantasy honeymoons you see in movies, only not in the caribbean and with the added addition of a pregnant male. And not to say that Vlad and I have been growing apart during the years we've lived together or anything, but something about having all the time in the world to enjoy each others company is incredibly stimulating for a relationship. And by stimulating I mean we had a lot of sex. It wasn't just that though. Vlad is always available when I need him now, whether it's to take one of those damn prenatal vitamins or if I need his reassurance that having this baby is a good idea and that we'll make good parents. The latter topic has come into conversation rather often and I'm sure it'll happen again in the future.

No one has contacted us for petty problems or work related nuisances either. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister, but I don't want to hear about her boy troubles. Ever. Just because I'm...how does Tucker put it, "gay for Vlad", that doesn't mean I'm now her sister. The only problems I want to hear about are the kinds that need to be fixed with my fist, not two hour phone calls and a tub of ice cream. Vlad isn't on the phone all the time either, and trust me, he's _always _on the phone. I understand that running a fortune 500 company requires a fair bit of attention, but seriously, he takes it to a whole new level sometimes. And here's a random, unrelated tip: a sure fire way to guarantee no sex for a month is by answering your phone in the middle of it.

Finally, the manor we live in is plenty big enough for us to have our own space when we need it. As much as I love Vlad, spending every minute of the day together would utterly ruin our relationship. Which, you know, is bad considering the baby growing under my abdomen. The manor provides plenty of space and comfort to take care of our individual needs, as well as anything extra. Take into account the countless maids, servants, and chiefs that my princess can't live without and you've got a type of solid safety that's indescribably calming. I came to the naïve conclusion that being pregnant was actually pretty fun.

And then the nausea started.

It didn't take long, about 6 weeks in, I believe. Vlad had been jabbering away about names, and nurseries, and more baby stuff for the billionth time while I cooked a simple pancake breakfast. It happened when I put the syrup on the stove to heat it up. I took one wiff of that maple-y smell I was so used to and felt like I was about to throw up my entire organ system. I just _barely _made it to the bathroom down the hall. Vlad, of course, took this as a fantastic sign that our offspring won't be liking pancakes, and any indication that our child is going to be the opposite of Jack makes him ecstatic. He may be on much better terms with my Dad, but old habits die hard.

After that fiasco I violently demanded that anything related to syrup or maple be thrown out, which Vlad had done within the hour. Instead we settled on a slightly less nauseating breakfast of egg souffle, banana bread and fruit. Unfortunately, I could barely stomach the few bites of bread and the egg souffle just wasn't gonna happen. Vlad, the wonderful man that he is, ended up making me a fruit smoothie which I sipped on for an hour.

Little did I know, that was only the beginning.

"You want me to keep a what?"

I stared at Vlad, eyes dropping down to the small journal he was holding in his hands. He couldn't be serious.

"It's called a food diary. It's to monitor what you're eating during the baby's crucial stages of development. Pregnant women keep them all the time."

"Yeah, but I'm not a pregnant woman."

"Daniel." Vlad rolled his eyes, "Your first trimester may be the most uneventful as far as physically showing goes, but the initial twelve weeks are by far the most important in the baby's development. Things like bone structure and the organ system are growing, which means you need to be very conscious of what you're eating."

"Assuming I can keep anything down to begin with, right?"

Vlad smiled wanly at my exasperation, placing the journal in my pouting hands and kissing me softly.

"Please Daniel? For me?"

I glared at him, though I wasn't actually angry as much as I was just annoyed. At what, I don't really know, but it probably had something to do with the debonair man currently giving me the puppy dog eyes. Granted, I guess it wouldn't hurt to keep track of what I eat, and as much as I don't want to admit it, Vlad _does _have a point. I don't want our baby deforming somehow just because I didn't wanna write in some stupid diary.

"Fine." I muttered stubbornly.

A triumphant and borderline smug smile spread across Vlad's face. He kissed me again, ignoring the stubborn scowl still planted on my visage. After that the fruitloop started yakking about creating memories and having something to look back on after our child is grown and blah blah blah. I mostly just rolled my eyes, an admittedly fond smile sneaking in. I really do like seeing Vlad get all excited over this stuff. Every time he goes into one of his baby rambles or I catch him watching me with that adoring smile on his face...well it pretty much assures that we're doing the right thing.

Even if the prospect of raising a half-ghost kid _is _becoming more and more terrifying with each passing day.

It seems like every time I wake up in the mornings, ten different problems I haven't thought about smack me in the face. Like, what if the baby goes intangible before it's ready to come out? That morning's panic attack was placated by Vlad, who calmly informed me that my ghost half already had protections against such an event. Apparently the baby wouldn't be able to phase out of my stomach, hence the cesarian section we had planned. I foolishly asked how full ghosts typically removed their babies-since there aren't exactly a lot of hospitals in the Ghost Zone-and Vlad told me the little monster basically clawed it's way out of the nearest orifice in it's mother's body. Since ghost's don't have bone structures, they can do that sort of thing. I got a great mental image of the Lunch Lady puking up her daughter and had to lie down for a while.

Then there was the concern of the baby randomly going intangible _after _it was born. What if it phased through the floor and fell to it's death? What if it cracked it's little head open in the middle of the night because it fell through it's crib? What if I accidentally dropped my baby and_ killed_ it? Vlad said all of these scenarios were incredibly unlikely, as a new born wouldn't have enough power to turn itself completely intangible. Maybe I was getting a little ridiculous with the intangible thing, but either way I still made Vlad promise to modify all the cribs and flooring to make sure they were ghost proof once the baby was born. Just to be safe.

Then, if it wasn't problems with the baby I was worrying about it was problems with our parenting. I love Vlad to death, but he really has a few moral issues that I'm just not okay with. Sure, I can put up with them if it's just us two, but raising and influencing a kid with them? For example, his hobby of manipulating people. I'll admit, I'm a little guilty of the act too, but the fruitloop legitimately _enjoys _leading people around like some mad puppeteer. What if our kid grows up thinking it's okay to lead people around for fun? Or worse, takes it a step farther and ends up enjoying it?

_Then_, if I've managed to move on from some inane baby death scenario or our possible lack of good parenting, the problem of my own parents comes up...and _Vlad's_. You know, to be honest I'd really like to have my mother around so I could talk to her about all the stuff running circles in my head, particularly the Vlad-might-be-a-bad-influence one. Not only that, but she's done this whole pregnancy thing before. She could tell me what to expect with the impending morning sickness and how to deal with it. But how would Mom react to the news that I'm pregnant? It was hard enough getting her to accept my relationship with Vlad, but actually having a _kid _with him? I was understandably terrified that it would take another two years for her to get over it.

Oh god, then there are _Vlad's _parents...I don't even want to _think _about that one.

Luckily, Vlad is taking all of my stress in stride (for now at least). He's still on the we're-having-a-baby high, which means when I complain he does awesome things like run a bath and give me a massage. Which he is really _really _good at.

"Daniel, don't squirm so much."

"I'm not squirming, I'm just-Ooh, ah jesus, right there. That's _perfect_."

"Of course it is." Vlad brought his lips to my ear, hot breath mixing with the warm, damp air of the bath. "I'm the one massaging you."

"Mmmm..." I smiled, letting his ego get away with that comment and relaxing into his touch.

Vlad's naked form shifted from behind me, hands kneading into a particularly stubborn knot. The water steamed around us, frothy bubbles whispering against our bare flesh and giving off the scent of cocoa butter. Against my colder ghost form, the hot water was like being wrapped in a warm cocoon. Then again, that might just be Vlad. Speaking of which, a pair of moist lips started playing with my earlobe, widening the smile on my face. Stalwart hands danced down my back, slipping beneath the water and grabbing my hips.

"Have I mentioned that I love you?" He murmured, rubbing circles over my waist and predictably moving to my stomach.

"Yes Vlad." I laughed. "Quite a few times."

For a long while I just relaxed into his touch, forgetting anything else existed beyond the marble tiled bathroom. Vlad seemed plenty preoccupied with massaging me into goo, his strong hands moving sensually over my skin and not leaving a single square inch untouched. We savored this little moment of peace and happiness, since in about nine months we probably wouldn't have a lot of opportunities to do this. I've heard that babies take up a lot of your free time. I knew it wouldn't be too bad though. Not with Vlad here.

"Are you feeling better, Daniel?" He asked gently, whispering the words in my ear with his usual smug undertones.

I only hummed in response, leaning into his warm chest and letting my eyes close. The nausea previously churning my stomach had died down to an ignorable tickle, replaced with the warm contentment currently surrounding me. Vlad kissed my shoulder slowly, his hands roaming over my bare skin. I listened to him breathe deeply, the arms around my shoulders tightening into a firm hug.

"Man, I hope I don't get _too _moody as this goes on." I yawned. "I'd feel really bad if I snapped at you over nothing."

"Well," Vlad chuckled. "I put up with that anyways, so I'm sure I'll be able to handle anything else your hormones want to throw at me."

"Oh ha ha, Vlad." I smirked, jabbing him in the side with my elbow.

The water sloshed lightly with the movement, settling down as we both returned to our content silence. Vlad, being the posh snob that he is, had classical music playing in the background. It wasn't too bad though. Coupled with the candles he had burning, it was actually kinda nice, though I'd never tell him that. Once relaxed, it was so easy to let all the stress of life just slip away, to forget that our pregnancy plans could technically be classified as an act against nature and thus horribly judged by people who had no business judging us. I didn't like to thing about that. Mostly cause it reminded me of possible ways my own friends and family were gonna react when I told them the truth. Luckily that moment wouldn't come for another seven and a half months.

"You know, we still haven't talked about names yet. Well...not seriously at least." Vlad's voice came from behind me, quiet and strong as usual.

"I dunno Vlad. I personally think Optimus Prime is a _great _name. Damn sight better than Vlad jr., at least."

"I thought you liked my name." He said, faking an affronted tone though it quickly switched to a deadpanned one. "And we're not naming our son Optimus Prime."

I snickered, entwining my hands with his as I replied.

"I do like your name. I'm just not going to let your ego get away with giving it to our kid."

"Hmph. I'm going to tell him you stopped me from christening him with my dignified moniker, and he's going to resent you for it."

"Uh huh, I'm so sure." I yawned again. "Not as much as he's going to resent your refusal against Optimus Prime. He'd be the coolest four year old ever with that name."

"Yes, and the laughing stock of society as an adult."

"Eh. He can change it when he's eighteen."

"No, Daniel."

"...Fun killer."

I could feel Vlad rolling his eyes behind me, and he was probably one hundred percent aware of my own smirk too. Man if felt so good to bicker and banter with Vlad, just like we've always done.

"But what if he is a she?" Aforementioned man asked. "We haven't even thought about names for a girl."

"Anything but Maddie." I muttered, feeling my eye twitch slightly.

Vlad laughed, but knew better than to disagree.

"Of course, Daniel." He replied carefully, falling quite for a moment and absentmindedly massaging my hand. "...I rather like the name Anastasiya, actually."

"You crazy Russians and your americanized Disney names."

"Well it was either that or Svetlana."

"Are you _trying _to get our kid beat up?"

"Lets hear what you suggest then." The older man pouted, sounding a little put off.

"Well...I dunno, I haven't really thought about it. I kinda like the name Emilie, I guess..."

Vlad was quiet again.

"I suppose that's not too bad." I heard a smirk in his next words. "You do realize that's still a Russian name, right?"

"I'm not against Russian names Vlad." I rolled my eyes. "As long as they're not like _Svetlana_. We live in America, not Moscow. ...Anastasiya's kinda growing on me though. I guess if she's gonna be a Master's, she has to have some kind of fancy, high-class name. What about using that for the middle?"

"Emilie Anastasiya Masters? Regal, yes, but it's a bit of a mouthful..."

"Not as bad as yours." I smirked. "Plus, if you're going for regal, I think they're all gonna be mouthfuls Mr. Vladimir Yakovevich Masters."

"Hm. Yes, I suppose you do have a point." a boarder line smug smile slid onto his face cause Vlad's a little egotistical about his full name. Shocker. "Though the quiet dignity of _your_ full name wouldn't be bad to go off of either."

"What? Daniel James? Are you kidding me? That's totally boring. We gotta add some spice to our kid's name. Only not too much." I added quickly, rolling my eyes with a snort. "...Svetlana..."

Vlad was quiet. Judging by the position of his body and the way he was staring down at me, though, it was a good kind of quiet. He was just looking at me with that warm, gentle smile no one else gets to see but me. I love it when he looks at me like that.

"...What?" I asked intelligently, his smile infectious.

He stared at me for a moment longer, running his hand through my snow white hair and lowering his lips to my ear again.

"I happen to find your name absolutely tantalizing, Daniel." He whispered slowly, hot breath running shivers down my spine. I felt a warm tongue trace around the cartilage of my ear, a quiet hum starting in the back of my throat. "It seems to roll so perfectly off my tongue, and every time I get the opportunity to say it...Well, boring is the _last _word I would use to describe such delights."

"Mmm...are you trying to seduce me again?"

"I hardly think 'trying' is the appropriate word."

I grinned and turned around, meeting Vlad's lips and effectively silencing any further conversation. We didn't come out of that bathroom for a very long time.


End file.
